Tuesday, February 22, 2011

THIS is why I HATE Gravity!

There is a double meaning to the title of this entry. The first one is hilarious. Yesterday, Chris and I took Alexander for his 2 month doctor's appointment, so a friend took her kids and Mikelle and Christian to the park. Chris and I were having a quick lunch and a text came in from this friend: Christian biffed it on the monkey bars and ate sand...after he got up, he said "this is why I hate gravity!" LOL - what kid says that? So funny. Other than being initially upset and some superficial scrapes on his face, Christian is okay. Sure, Christian had a more comical and "right of passage" confrontation with gravity that all children seem go through (and some into adulthood!).

However, I find the timing of Christian's expression of discord rather ironic.

My gravity that I hate is that I have to go back to work tomorrow. I am clearly not ready and am quite sad. I don't want to leave Alexander. I don't want to have to spend my 30 min lunch hour in a bathroom pumping breast milk. I don't want my baby to forget about me and who I am. I don't want to worry to about lesson plans and having no supplies and no way to obtain them unless it's out of my own pocket. I don't want to worry about discipline issues with students and not feeling supported as a teacher. I don't want the majority of my check going to daycare. I don't want to take that on. I'm not ready to go back yet. However, here we are. Gravity. I hate gravity.

But like Christian's gravity, gravity is there. It's a given. Without it, we'd be floating all over the place without purpose - literally and figuratively. That may be fun initially, but it would get old really quick and there would only be chaos and disorganization. (Plus, you lose bone mass without gravity. But that's a scientific tangent - sorry for the digression)

My gravity is a given. It's life. It's grown-up stuff. Without adversity and challenges, we wouldn't know joy and truly appreciate our blessings. And my gravity has blessings of its own. I have a wonderful rapport with my students (well, most of them. haha). My gravity is more the state of education and a lot of the BS that teachers have to deal with and it gets wearing. You add that to missing your infant, and it's truly the kind of gravity to hate. There are more aspects of my gravity that are job related, but I won't get into them here. Many of them have to do with self-doubt and worry. Those gravitational forces are even worse sometimes. No, most of the time. It's like sitting on a planet with gravitational forces double that of Earth. Take the given gravity of Earth and double it. That's how I feel.

John Mayer's song "Gravity" has been on my playlist forever (maybe 2 years?) but it's never been as appropriate as it is now. I've moved it to #1 on my playlist for now. The lyrics are:

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh twice as much ain't twice as good

And can't sustain like a one half could

It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees [repeat]

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (now how can that be?)
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is

Just keep me where the light is

C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is

Oh... where the light is! [repeat]

I also find it funny that I can identify with some feelings from one of Eminem's most popular songs. First, I usually don't listen to that genre and especially with the language that comes with it. But maybe because "lose yourself" by Eminem came out while I was still in college, my exposure to it helped me gain a little bit of an appreciation for it. Plus, the rift is catchy. There is no denying that.

Anyway, no words are truer now that this part of "lose yourself":

He's choking how,
everybody's joking now
The clock's run out,
time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality,
oh there goes gravit

(Lose Yourself is the last song on the playlist currently.)

Anyway, so whether we're talking about biffing it on the playground or having to be a grown-up and face things that leave us sick to our stomach, without gravity, we're not going to be grounded. We need it, and sometimes yes, we can defy it. The important thing is to work with it, and find a way to make the best of it. I'll just keep telling myself that.

1 comment:

  1. Awww, huge (((HUGS))) for you!

    Glad your son was ok after his fall, but his response was really cute! haha ~ BluHaven