Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Kids in Grocery Stores - aka Mortified in Mordor

I know it's practically cliche to complain about the tortuous experience of taking kids into a grocery store. 

But I swear Alexander takes it to a new level. 

I have to back up a bit to give this experience yesterday a little more context. 

Yeah, this is the time of year that we have a lot of, um...winter visitors. These are otherwise known as Snowbirds. So yeah, they clog up the roads. Anyone from Southern California, throughout Arizona eastward to the Gulf Coast and especially Florida knows exactly what I'm talking about. I am annoyed by them because they only live here in hell during the nice part of the year. They don't have to do the year-round sentence into the heated salt-mines like the rest of us poor saps. The snowbirds leave before the real crap begins. 

So yeah, I'm jealous of them. And when it is nice out, it's more crowded because of them. But then again - how is that different than say, tourists in Europe? Locals in Europe don't like how crowded it is during the warmer summers. So this local (moi) is rather normal to have my own crankiness about our wintertime norms. 

Because they're usually retired, these winter visitors are also older. Therefore, they tend to drive slower too. I know not all elderly people fit that stereotype, but it tends to work out that way. Or it feels like it does. And it's pretty crowded in the parking lot of the Wickenburg Safeway this time of year due to these part-time residents. 

Well, late in the evening it's not that crowded. That's because by then they had their early bird dinner at the Country Buffet and are already tucked in bed and their dentures are soaking. 

I know, I'm sounding like a real jerk. However, I'll be honest. If I could escape the summers too, I wouldn't mind annoying people here in January either.

ANYWAY...there is a point to this. 

Yesterday, between lunchtime and when it was time to pick up Christian from school, I was attempting to do some grocery shopping. Of course Alexander was with me. We innocently (at least I thought it would be innocent...silly) head down an aisle and there are four different carts with four or more elderly people disbursed along the aisle with those said carts. I didn't really think anything of it. 

But Alexander belts out, "Where did all these old people come from?!"

I am not kidding. 

At that second, I really hoped they all were hard of hearing. 
So embarrassing. 

A few minutes later and a few aisles over, a retired colleague (yes, retired! But at least he's a full-time resident, so I'll give him a pass...) of Chris's recognized me and we chatted. I don't know him too well, but at least I had an out to vent about what Alexander did a few aisles over. I think he asked Alexander if he thought he was old. Thankfully, X-man was too shy at that moment (but sadly not a few moments earlier!) to not belt out, "Yeah, you're old!" 

But the shopping trip did end on an upside. Either God threw me a bone to offset the carnival ride that is the boy He blessed me with four years ago, or I just got lucky. 

Is this face capable of such calamities? Yes. Yes it is.
The check-out lines were backed up (mostly for the reasons above I've already covered). I walk up with my full cart and my X-man. They open a new line and a lady (probably in her 50s...maybe early 60s) insists I go in the new line. 

I say, "No, you go...I have tons of stuff.  Plus, you were here first." 

She says, "Oh, get your skinny ass over there!"

You know, snowbirds aren't so bad!
I thanked her for the best compliment to make my Monday. Either that, or she heard Alexander insult everyone a few minutes earlier and she wanted to do her part to insist we exit the store faster. 

Anyway....Shifting gears...

It's not very often that I would give kudos to anything in a Fox News realm, but I will in this entry.

I have always liked Phoenix weather man (and eye candy... well, for a blonde anyway...) Cory McCloskey. I just don't watch him regularly. To be fair, I have pretty much stopped watching morning news altogether.
But today Cory handled a computer glitch with the sarcasm (click) and comedy (and without missing a beat) that I have always enjoyed.  

Wickenburg is supposed to be a smidge cooler than the valley...mostly night temps...but it turns out that isn't the case. 

And Mikelle googled the melting point of steel. Yeah, Cave Creek didn't escape it. But Wickenburg did...if anyone was left to notice...

But they should replay this weather report in August - it'll be much more accurate. 

 Until next time.... if we survive, that is! 

(By the way, the melting point of steel is 2,600 to 2,800 degrees F)

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