Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Pick Your Grouchy Battles

Because life isn't complete until you  have a giant metal chicken.
I had been meaning to promote "The Bloggess" for quite some time. She is absolutely hilarious and completely inappropriate! Therefore, if you need a good laugh and don't have a problem with salty strong language (or if you do have a problem with it, but can tolerate it from time to time in order to have a good laugh), her entries are priceless.

This metal chicken entry of hers from 2011 is probably the most popular and most well known. Of course one of my favorites as well is the creepy bear head (from a 2013 entry) she purchased (on a separate shopping trip than the infamous metal chicken pictured at right).

Her entry that introduced the giant metal chicken (which is all sorts of awesome!) is about picking your battles. It's also about causing new ones with your spouse. It's also about humor. If you ask me, that's how you keep the love alive. That is, if your spouse can handle it. I find that I am a lot like The Bloggess, but Chris, while plenty humorous, isn't as "tolerant" of such antics as the Bloggess's poor husband, Victor.

Still, we manage.

Case in point: The stupid Oscar the Grouch T-shirt.
The infamous Oscar the Grouch T-shirt

We were in Target a couple of years ago (we've been to Target about 150 times since then...this was just the time that is pertinent to the story) and he saw this particular Oscar the Grouch T-shirt (pictured at left). 

Chris said he was going to buy it for me. Oh, did I not mention that I was being particularly "grouchy" at the time? Well, I was.

I said I didn't want it.

Now first, allow me to preface that I have NO PROBLEM wearing an Oscar the Grouch T-shirt. I would wear it proudly. I was not offended nor upset that Chris desired to get me an Oscar the Grouch T-shirt. In fact, I've been meaning to get an Oscar the Grouch decal to balance my Grumpy decal on the back of the car.

The problem with the stupid T-shirt was a few things. First, the obvious problem was the T-shirt was a "male cut" T-shirt, and I don't like bulky shirts like that. 
Second, I didn't like the design. There were other pleasing ways to showcase Oscar the Grouch.  I didn't like the design of this one.
I like this design, but it's the male cut. Do they have it in a female cut?

Three, the material was too thick. Where do we live? We certainly don't live  somewhere nice where thick cotton can be comfortable and practical.
I know this is Christmas specific, but this is a female cut Oscar Tshirt...

Chris ignored me, assuming that the only reason I said I didn't want it was because I was "grouchy" and therefore it was all the more reason for him to buy it for me. 

I understand that logic, but no, the grouchiness was not the reason.

If any men are reading this, let me tell you something. If you want to buy an item of clothing, shoes, jewelry or accessory for your woman, and she says she doesn't want it or won't wear it, I can guarantee you she doesn't want it or won't wear it!

I told Chris, "You're wasting your money." 

Granted, it was probably around $12 or less. However, this is the same Chris that gets up in my grill because I buy the more expensive leanest ground turkey and ground beef.  (Get it? Meat? Grill? Never mind...)

So the T-shirt made it home and the battle ensued. He would lay it out for me and ask me to wear it. I refused, stating the reasons above. 

I then would open my dresser drawer from time to time and find the T-shirt in there. I would simply transfer it to his dresser drawer. Then it would make it to mine, and so on. 

Well, I had to up the ante. Chris's temple bag. 

For those that do not know what that is, when we go to the temple, we change into white clothing when we arrive. Chris has a bag (as do I) that is specific for that clothing. I had no problem with something unorthodox and maybe even slightly blasphemous (depending on how uppity one is about such things involving temple bags) by stuffing the T-shirt in his temple bag. I hold the same principle by texting him messages with bad words in it when I know he's in a church leadership meeting or attending the General Priesthood session.  

I might be grouchy, but I love to have my fun.

I do not remember how much time had passed between my placing Oscar in his bag and when he went to the temple next and discovered it there, but I do remember that when he made the discovery in the men's locker room, it was one of those times he went to the temple alone. Therefore, he wasn't going to see me in just a few minutes with my grouchy surprise fresh in his mind. And of course Chris wasn't about to just leave the T-shirt in the locker room (some guys might have! lol). 

Therefore, he had forgotten all about it by the time he got home. I even forgot I had put it in there.  It was some weeks later that something caused him to remember, and he professed how much of a brat I was and how annoying it was for him in the locker room to open his temple bag containing his nice white clothing to also find the Oscar the Grouch T-shirt in there.  I smiled proudly. Chris then proceeded to again go through the whole tirade of why I should wear the T-shirt. Therefore, I went through my whole tirade of why I wouldn't (cut, design, thickness = no bueno). 

It was no surprise to me that after that I found the T-shirt in my temple bag. 

Chris then found it in his temple bag. 

That is where I found the shirt this morning, as it was in his bag when we went to the Gilbert Temple last week. He didn't even say anything to me this time. It was just placed back in my bag for me to find it this morning because I needed to the take the above snapshot of it. Where is it now? Back in his bag of course.

Now I'm a little tired of the Grouch T-shirt battle. It's become boring.  I need to think of another obnoxious place to stash it for Chris to find it. I'm thinking I'll give it to one of his co-workers, and he can put it in Chris's desk. It's impossible for me to stash it in his desk on my own (not only does Chris work 90 miles away, but you need all kinds of security clearance to make it in the place).

The trick is to get it to this co-worker and make the exchange on the down low.

Until next time...

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