Temple Challenges

My Sunday Doodle from 2/16/14: The Irony of Trying to Quiet an Anxious Mind...

I'm not sure how to go about this post because it's more of an LDS specific issue, and two, it's not exactly shown in the most positive light. Then again, I don't want my blog to only display the candy-coated parts. It shouldn't be a soap opera of dirty laundry either, so I hope I'm finding a happy medium. 

I apologize up front to any of my non-LDS readers who may have no idea what I'm talking about.

I love going to the temple. The Gilbert Temple opens next month.  Chris and I went to the Mesa Temple for a session over this weekend. I wanted to go on my own during the week last week, but a puking kid and other things kept getting in the way. It's not that I didn't want to go with Chris. I just didn't want to go on a Saturday. He is off Mondays too, but so is the temple.

My favorite picture of the Mesa Temple - 1937 Snow!

I love sitting in the Celestial Room. I love participating in sealings for those who have passed on. I enjoyed doing baptisms last month with Mikelle and Chris (though one nice temple worker was afraid of my pink hair...lol...as if it would run into the water and on the white outfit. I assured them it wasn't going to run into the water....)  

I loved attending a sealing last month for some friends of ours who were married a little over a year previously. Congratulations, Mark and Maggie! That same day, just outside the sealing room, it was a delight seeing a cousin of Chris and his wife and chatting it up. I loved that.

But I don't like the endowment sessions. There, I said it. 

I want be able to sit in the Celestial Room without having to go through an endowment session beforehand. Is there a way to do that? Am I horrible for wanting to do it that way?

Original of my Mesa Temple Motif from 2011 and Alexander's hand...

What is my problem? Well, the session is too long for one thing. I'm too fidgety. I always feel like I need "something to do" while I'm sitting there. Yes, it's part of my anxiety and ADHD. I get that.

Three, I'm hot. No matter what, I'm too warm and uncomfortable. It only gets worse as the session goes on. 

Four, I fall asleep or have the hardest time trying to keep from falling asleep. It doesn't matter if I had a great night of sleep and I was wide awake when I arrived. With the quiet surroundings, and the periodic lights being down and then not being able to "do anything", it's like some kind of drug.

Five, I'm too tall and I feel crammed into the chairs. This particular time last weekend I did hold out for an aisle seat, even though it looked weird that I didn't just follow behind the person in front of me and sit down in the same order. 

Reason Six is another reason I prefer not to discuss here. Well, I have a couple of those, actually.

The endowment session recently had new updated movies (same as the movies before, just a more updated version of them) and everyone was talking about them as if it was so exciting. I felt guilty that they wanted to rush to the temple to see them, and I certainly did not want to do that. I was dreading the other aspects of the session that make it so difficult for me that I already addressed above.

This weekend was the first time I was in a session to see one of the new movies. I guess there are two new ones, just like there were two movies before. There were aspects about it that I preferred to the older ones from about 20 years ago, and then again, there were parts to the older ones I liked better. 

Gilbert, Arizona Temple Opening March 2014

But that newness didn't help me with my anxiousness and overwhelming feeling trying to fight falling asleep.  Then when we finally arrived in the Celestial Room, it was so crowded and then I was overwhelmed with anxiousness worrying about the kids at home and feeling like we just should get going. It's so frustrating. I avoided endowment sessions for a few years, and then in the last couple of weeks began to crave being in that Celestial Room. Then I finally was, and I felt pushed out. By my own doing. 

 But I needed the experience of being in the temple and being able to sit and think, pray and meditate and I am frustrated that these obstacles seem to always get in the way.

Please comment if you have any thoughts. But only comment if you'll be loving or supportive. You don't have to agree with how I feel, but if you're going to be rude or judgmental, I'm not interested. 

Gilbert, Arizona Temple - Dedicated next month, March 2014