Friday, March 4, 2011

And the Illness Saga Continues...

I've only returned from maternity leave for 7 work days total and already had to take what will be an unpaid sick day (because all my sick days were eaten up by maternity leave). Christian was complaining of ear pain last night and man, it was a bad ear infection. Motrin took the edge off, but when it wore off, his fever was high and you didn't even need a flashlight to see how bad his ear was. He didn't even like anyone touching his neck, the pain was so bad. Therefore, because I haven't updated my sub plans, I dragged Christian to work with me this morning to get things ready for the sub and then we went to the doctor. I swear, between Chris and I, we've been to that office 5 times in the last 2 weeks.

In the waiting room, Christian wanted to sit on my lap. Man, he was HUGE. I said to him, "What happened to my baby Christian?" He replied, "That's how the Life Cycle works."

There is something nice about having to stay home with a sick kid - even if unpaid. And that is falling asleep with the baby and the sick 6yo on the bed in the middle of the day. :-)

Christian at 1st Grade Production in January:

And being its Friday, wouldn't you want to ponder the age old question -

Why did the chicken cross the road?

These folks did:

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my shotgun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..

BILL CLINTON: I did NOT cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me ANY insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road.. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

And some that I added:

CHARLIE SHEEN: The chicken crossed the road because over there was a drug that is Charlie Sheen.

and Charlie added....

CHARLIE SHEEN: The chicken crossed the road because he was WINNING!

TOM CRUISE: The Chicken crossed the road because on this side we're all glib.

TRAN: Oh here go all hell chicken come.

and another from Charlie Sheen (because he just can't shut up):

CHARLIE SHEEN: I urge all my beautiful and loyal chickens who embraced this side of the road for almost a (whatever a significant time for a chicken is) to walk with me side-by-side as we march to the other side of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

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