It goes without saying that it's tough being a parent - especially when our kids are driving us crazy. We know parents are
driven crazy by their kids, but it's tough not to feel alone when it's
happening to us.I have to give a shout-out to this article on Scary Mommy written by Sarah Cottrell. But my little additions are in red. Because, well, I have things to say in addition to my new best friend, Sarah:
WOUND UP PARENT SYNDROME (WUPS): A state in
which a parent is flustered by her/his children to the point of wanting to
scream, run away, speak in tongues, send the offending child to Abu Dabi to
live with Nermil, or drink. (Or in my case...consume an entire Turtle Cheesecake from Costco in one sitting in front of a Netflix binge...)
This generalized condition of parental disbelief is
often characterized by boiling blood, pulsing veins in the forehead, premature
gray hair (thank goodness for hair coloring), a complete loss for words, exhaustion, and an acute and
comprehensive existential crisis.
Causes may include but are not limited to the following parental
experiences and situations:
1) Children asking the question, Why? Continuously for more than 30
minutes. Mikelle, I'm looking in your direction. You are not owed an explanation. Mmmmm.....K?
2) Child claiming to have claws after watching Wild Kratts (man, I hate that show) and makes 173
attempts to use them on people, furniture, the car, food, the table, laundry
piles, and Mom or Dad’s butt as she/he walks out of a room. Oh,
and if you as the parents decide to play along with the Claw Game, the
said child informs you they do not want to play that anymore. I am still
sad that Alexander doesn't want Momasaurus to chase the Xandersaurus around the house with goofy T-rex miniscule arms...
3) Children demanding snacks because they are hungry even
though they refused to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner citing a feeling of fullness
and which occurred less than 10 minutes ago. Yes! OMG....Yes!
4) Sibling bickering.
I told Mikelle she gets time off her grounding sentence anytime she can
go a day without pissing off, arguing with, provoking or otherwise
promoting further contention with Christian. And Christian's accountability isn't left out either. He wants things a certain way and has a hard time adjusting to situations that are not the way he has it planned out in his mind.
5) Sibling jealousy. Yeah, if you don't see a certain kid for a couple hours, and you're sharing a treat with the kid or kids that you are with, it's pathetic that you have to say,
"Throw away that wrapper. And say nothing about this. I don't want to
hear complaining about it from (insert name of the absent kid) later."
It's sad that it has to be handled that way. In fact, while Thing 1 and
Thing 2 are at school, Alexander is sometimes rewarded with playing at
McDonalds if he plays at the Kid area at the gym without getting into
any trouble (so mom can work out and deal with her stress in a healthy
way!) If the two older ones figure out that we went to McDonalds (due to a Happy Meal box or toy left in the car to give away the horrible crime), they
complain that they weren't there for it. And then there's the whining of when can I take them to
McDonalds since Alexander got to go? Um....he's 4. You're not. You're at school. He's with me while you're at school.
Chill out. You had plenty of your McDs outings with Mom before your
school days. Get a freaking grip!
6) Sibling rivalry.
7) Siblings. Period. (Holy Shit.) That was in the original article. I was going to omit it for this re-post, but then decided not to because of its accuracy to the emotions felt.
8) Intentionally making weird or gross sounds with their mouths that include
licking, clucking, smacking, sucking, or repetitive popping. That
part I can handle UNTIL another sibling decides they don't like it, and
hence, the real problems begin (see #4-7) I'd call out that child again, but
I've already done it a few times. Not fair to do it to her again. Oops.
9) A child who is running – generally stark naked – while simultaneously
making loud siren sounds and does not stop even after the ominous 1, 2, 3
warning. Yeah,
thanks Alexander. I really don't like the White Trash look. But you
keep things real. But I don't do the 1, 2, 3 warning. I count down from
5. It's better than 1, 2, 3. Counting down from 5 means there is an end
and they don't want to see what happens when I'm out of numbers.
10) Sass talk.
11) Sass talk during timeout.
12) Sneaking out of timeout.
13) Telling Mom or Dad that timeout is stupid. Really? Mom loves being in a timeout.
14) The sudden inability to follow directions during bedtime. Or anytime, really...
15) Using Mom’s lipstick as a marker in Mom’s brand new book that just
arrived from Amazon two hours ago. The best is when they mess with mascara.
16) Using a Sharpie to draw tiger stripes on his own face right before Mom
needed to get him to the dentist. Part of this is my fault. I have a lot of Sharpies, and let's just say sometimes I leave them a little too accessible. But it may be because I'm in the closet eating a chocolate bar and I don't want to get caught.
17) “Accidentally” “Spilling” “Only a little bit” of chocolate milk on the
couch because “the dog really likes it!” Yeah, it's like the word "Accidentally" excuses everything.
18) Screeching, begging, shouting, yelling, crying, fighting, whining, loud
talking, or leg pulling that is apparently triggered only by the ringing of a
telephone. I already hate talking on the phone. It's even worse by the aforementioned verbs that occur during an attempted phone conversation.
Allow me to add one of my own:
19) Four year old child going crazy when they see your iPad. It's like catnip! "Can I use your iPad?" "Can I use your iPad?" "Can I use your iPad?""Can I use your iPad?" It's gotten to the point where I have to hide it when I use it. I might as well sneak candy too because I have to hide with that too if I want to eat it alone. I shouldn't have to hide when I need to read a lesson and watch some corresponding videos on Arizona English Language Learner Proficiency Standards. This is the same child, who often gives the early morning greeting of, "Can I play on your iPad?" This is usually after he snuck into our bed in the middle of the night and while it is morning, it's still dark outside. Hearing, "Can I play on your iPad?" isn't a very welcoming wake-up message.
Immediate treatment (of WUPS) through a traditional parental holistic approach
is recommended. Commonly cited therapies include the following:
1) Date Night. This can be just being alone together roaming through Target...all the way to seeing a movie, getting pedicures together (see what I did there?) or glazing pottery.
2) Eating large amounts of ice cream, popcorn, chips, or chocolate while in
solitude. Yeah, I covered this already.
3) Drinking wine in the bathtub after the kids have gone to bed. Include the
use of bubbles, magazines, Candy Crush, and candlelight for full effect. Music. Let's not forget music.
4) Venting on a parenting blog site. Or
your own blog. Or both.
5) Excessive swearing out of earshot of the children. I think it's out of earshot. Most of the time.
6) Blaming the spouse, society, or the grandparents for creating such
monsters.
7) Repeating the mantra this is just a phase.
While the phenomenon of Wound Up Parent Syndrome is widely
reported, cases vary greatly based on individual experience. It is the view of
this researcher that parents approach their children with humor, benefit of
doubt, and a healthy respect for guilt-free hoarding of all the chocolate while
hiding in the laundry room or pantry.
Advanced stages of WUPS are often expressed as early symptoms of Empty Nest Syndome. It
is not uncommon for the complication of Mid-Life Crisis to be
diagnosed within the later stages of this complex and often
misunderstood diagnosis. For more information please refer to Appendix A,
which outlines the various ways in which parents express their rage through
poor hygiene and clothing choices.
And this was good for the Sibling Fighting part, but it wouldn't work with the format. So I stuck it down here:
Hey, if anyone thinks this is all just a bunch of complaints about being a Mom and having kids, it's not. It's reality and if you can't have humor in the messiness of life, then what's the point of getting up in the morning?
Until Next time.
WOUND UP PARENT SYNDROME (WUPS):
A state in which a parent is flustered by her/his children to the point
of wanting to scream, run away, speak in tongues, send the offending
child to Abu Dabi to live with Nermil, or drink. This generalized
condition of parental disbelief is often characterized by boiling blood,
pulsing veins in the forehead, premature gray hair, a complete loss for
words, exhaustion, and an acute and comprehensive existential crisis.
Causes may include but are not limited to the following parental experiences and situations:
1) Children asking the question,
Why? Continuously for more than 30 minutes.
2)
Child claiming to have claws after watching Wild Kratts and makes 173
attempts to use them on people, furniture, the car, food, the table,
laundry piles, and Mom or Dad’s butt as she/he walks out of a room.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/wound-parent-syndrome-wups/#sthash.NKwXz2TW.dpuf
WOUND UP PARENT SYNDROME (WUPS):
A state in which a parent is flustered by her/his children to the point
of wanting to scream, run away, speak in tongues, send the offending
child to Abu Dabi to live with Nermil, or drink. This generalized
condition of parental disbelief is often characterized by boiling blood,
pulsing veins in the forehead, premature gray hair, a complete loss for
words, exhaustion, and an acute and comprehensive existential crisis.
Causes may include but are not limited to the following parental experiences and situations:
1) Children asking the question, Why? Continuously for more than 30 minutes.
2)
Child claiming to have claws after watching Wild Kratts and makes 173
attempts to use them on people, furniture, the car, food, the table,
laundry piles, and Mom or Dad’s butt as she/he walks out of a room.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/wound-parent-syndrome-wups/#sthash.NKwXz2TW.dpuf
WOUND UP PARENT SYNDROME (WUPS):
A state in which a parent is flustered by her/his children to the point
of wanting to scream, run away, speak in tongues, send the offending
child to Abu Dabi to live with Nermil, or drink. This generalized
condition of parental disbelief is often characterized by boiling blood,
pulsing veins in the forehead, premature gray hair, a complete loss for
words, exhaustion, and an acute and comprehensive existential crisis.
Causes may include but are not limited to the following parental experiences and situations:
1) Children asking the question,
Why? Continuously for more than 30 minutes.
2)
Child claiming to have claws after watching Wild Kratts and makes 173
attempts to use them on people, furniture, the car, food, the table,
laundry piles, and Mom or Dad’s butt as she/he walks out of a room.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/wound-parent-syndrome-wups/#sthash.NKwXz2TW.dpuf
WOUND UP PARENT SYNDROME (WUPS):
A state in which a parent is flustered by her/his children to the point
of wanting to scream, run away, speak in tongues, send the offending
child to Abu Dabi to live with Nermil, or drink. This generalized
condition of parental disbelief is often characterized by boiling blood,
pulsing veins in the forehead, premature gray hair, a complete loss for
words, exhaustion, and an acute and comprehensive existential crisis.
Causes may include but are not limited to the following parental experiences and situations:
1) Children asking the question, Why? Continuously for more than 30 minutes.
2)
Child claiming to have claws after watching Wild Kratts and makes 173
attempts to use them on people, furniture, the car, food, the table,
laundry piles, and Mom or Dad’s butt as she/he walks out of a room.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/wound-parent-syndrome-wups/#sthash.NKwXz2TW.dpuf
