Suffer Well

This week's "Sunday Doodle"

I really don't cry that much. I really don't. However, lately, it seems like I do. Have you ever been so upset or emotional about something and you just cannot keep it together? Then when someone asks if you're okay and tries to help or comfort you, it causes you cry even more? 

Damn, I hate that. 

I don't hate what the loved ones and friends are trying to do in those moments. I just hate how it can be compared to a crack in the dam and the only thing that blocks a breach and the floodgates is a mere finger plugging the leak. 

When someone notices you're upset, it's like removing that finger and the water pours out. 

No need to be concerned about what caused the above scenario recently. I have alluded in more ways than one, and often with humor, that life is hard. As the song goes, "I just hang on...and suffer well...sometimes it's hard...hard to tell..." * And that "suffering" doesn't suggest that all is bad and going wrong. 

It simply means that even when you're working for something and working in the right direction, there are still roadblocks, setbacks, or even a huge tree in the road that makes it seem impossible to traverse. I recently used the analogy with a friend about trying to reach the top of the mountain. The goal is the top of the mountain, of course. However, who is to say that the trail isn't tough? Maybe there are multiple trails leading to the summit and some are much tougher than others. What about if you choose to  venture off the marked trail and you're still progressing to the top, but you find yourself with a harder route due to the change of route?

Yeah, it's like that.

I do want to state again how grateful I am for the friends and loved ones around me. Some of them are nearby and some are further away. Today's technology helps in that they don't have to feel as far away as they really are. As for the friends that are nearby, it will be hard to leave them when we move across town. 

And some additional thoughts that seem more than appropriate to close out this entry: 

*The Depeche Mode song "Suffer Well" was written by the vocalist, Dave Gahan, seen in the video. It is about his journey through hell. While the song is specifically about him and his experiences and mistakes, I cannot deny the message and how I can relate to his demons (replacing them with my own), past heartaches, and memories - only to make it through and look back knowing you "suffered well".

...And T-minus 4 days to the Color Run 5K!

When the Storm Begins...

This piece is next in my Romance series as we approach Valentines Day next month. Of course it doesn't have to be near Valentines Day to create works in this thematic element. It's just a good time to do so.

This is titled "When the Storm Begins"

...This piece carries the message of braving the storms to survive together. 









There were quite a few messages I wanted to use in this piece, but I narrowed it down to two:

-And-

There is more by way of the romantic and even sensual (no, not like that...get your mind out of the gutter!) themes I'd like to explore, but this is a lot of romantic lovy-dovy art in a short amount of time. 

Besides, I told Mikelle I would create a composition she's been talking about for awhile. I will return to the romantic, but after a break!  Don't get me wrong. I love the romantic lovy-dovy stuff (if done well...don't play Celine Dion and expect me to get in the mood...gross), but in moderation.

Until next time...

Seven Things (Part 2)

Before I complete the Seven Things list, here are some of my January artworks. One is a custom commission, and the other two are my own projects that are always available in prints.

This one is titled "Our Smiles Should Touch Now". In exploring the more romantic themes, I wanted to capture a simple moment of a kiss, but in a more meaningful and even ethereal manner. I do not want that moment to have the trite "infatuated" feel. 

Our Smiles Should Touch Now

I have two more romantic themed works in mind. The one I'm working on now is frustrating me greatly, but I am staying with it.
 
This one below is titled "The Earth Without Art is Just 'Eh' " I started this in August and then had to set it aside due to a lot of custom commissions. I finally pulled it out and finished it.

"The Earth Without Art is Just 'Eh' "

"The Earth Without Art is just 'Eh' " in Progress

This one below is a custom commission. He gave me a list of the luxury cars he wanted included. It was quite a challenging project, but also very enjoyable.

I also completed an order for "Be Mine" Blocks and have another order I'm working on right now. This is the one I sent off just last week.

I
I made these LOVE blocks last year (left) and ended up selling them. I miss them and want to make a set just for us (and keep it...lol). 
I hope I get the motivation to do so. The hard part there is the Pinewood Derby is this weekend and last night Christian told me how he wants his car embellished. He and Chris worked on the shaping and sanding last night. Now, it's the stage where I come in. Sure, Christian will be doing a lot of the work, but let's just say I'll be very much involved. 

 

 

Back to 7 Things...

Continuing from my previous entry, here is the rest of 7 Things.

7 Adventures I Want To Have Before I Die
Climb Kilamanjaro in Tanzania
Move to and LIVE in Oregon (anywhere from the I-5 area to the coast)
Visit Argentina then take a cruise ship from the tip of Argentina to Antarctica
Visit the old castles of Bavaria and other parts of Germany
Visit the Netherlands where my great-grandparents are from
Visit the East Coast 
On that note, go to Boston and then take 'The Cat' or a similar boat up to Maine and Nova Scotia.(and visit Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia)

7 Treats I Could Eat Every Day
Oh gosh...this is a question, I almost don't want to answer because of the demons involved. If calories, common sense, and slower metabolism wasn't a factor, this is what they would be:

• Cold Cereal. Almost any kind. Especially Kelloggs Chocolate, Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Ohs!, Trix, and million others.... See a pattern here? The kids hate me because I won't have cereal in the house at all. It's too much of a problem for me.

• Oreos. Nuff' said.

• Chocolate Chip Cookies (especially the Coconut Chocolate Chip from Paradise Bakery....)

• Bosa Donuts It's a local Donut chain here and O...M...G... This includes their Buttermilk Bars. OMG... And my family is no help. Just Saturday morning, we helped clean the church and I jogged home (about 2 miles). Chris and the kids come home about an hour later with a box from Bosa Donuts!  No wonder these last 10 pounds aren't going anywhere...

• Chex Mix: Especially Muddy Buddies and Turtle

I know I need to list two more, but technically I've mentioned way more than seven!

7 People I'd Be Lost Without
Does Our Father in Heaven and Jesus count? Well, I say they do. That's 2 so far.  
My husband and kids. That's 5 more...
That leaves one more. I'll just let that sit. I think I included the ones that are most important.

7 Places I Want to Visit
I pretty much covered that in my "Adventures" list above. Then again, other places that didn't get mentioned - or not specifically - are:

• Going back to British Columbia (the three times I've already been there aren't enough). I wouldn't mind living there either!

• New York City. I also want to visit the Lake George area where my Great-grandfather (4 Greats) John Tanner lived. He owned practically the whole area before he sold it off and moved to Kirtland, Ohio.

• Machu Picchu/The Andes

• Vermont (and I know it would be hard to leave...I wouldn't mind living there either)

• Crater Lake in Oregon. I've been to Oregon numerous times, but haven't made it to Crater Lake yet.

• San Francisco. I've never really been there. I've flown into Oakland and San Jose, and been nearby to Lake Tahoe and Placerville, but haven't technically been to San Francisco.  
• Paris and the French Countryside and smaller villages...

So there are the seven things! I know I cheated in some areas, and some of my favorite songs from the previous entry did not get mentioned, due to the "Soundtrack" theme I was keeping. Oh well. I'm sure there will be other entries.

Seven Things (Part One)

Due to the heaviness of the last two entries, I figured I'd lighten up with this next one. I saw this posted on Facebook and thought it would be a fun blog entry. Of course with all the 7s, I think of Monica on Friends going "Seven! Seven! SevenSevenSeven......seven!" lol

7 Everyday Things I Couldn't Live Without:

    1. My Diet Pepsi (it's the last vice I have left!)
     2. AC/Heat (mostly AC)
     3. Fans
          I laugh at the interior design programs and try to talk
          people out of having ceiling fans. I know they're not a
          design "do", but they're a survival "do".
     4. Shelter/Curtains/Shade
     5. Indoor Plumbing
     6. Microwave Oven
     7. Dishwasher (even though the one we have now is a 
                                 piece of crap)

7 of My Favorite Songs

This is tough to narrow down. Just on Saturday NPR posted Tell Us the Six Songs of Your Life saying:
Everybody has a playlist — songs you carry in your head and in your heart that remind you of sometime or someplace or someone. You hear the song; you remember. You remember; you hear the song. Like an optical illusion, two memories braided together in your soul.If you could tell your life story — chronologically, up to now — in six songs, what would they be? Because I was thinking of poignant songs/music and times of my life that would make up such a soundtrack, this was the list I used to answer their question: 

• "What's the Matter Here?" 10,000 maniacs  (this YouTube contains the audio) Lyrics be found here.

• "Watching the Wheels " John Lennon. This entry from April 2011 mentions the significance of this song.

• "What it Takes" Aerosmith (This YouTube has the song with the lyrics)

• "The One" Elton John 

               It has to be a really amazing lovesong for me to buy into a sappy ballad. I find more ballads that   
               are powerful and passionate (such as rock ballads, "What it Takes" above it a perfect example) 
               to drive the point home to me. However, Elton John's "The One" knocked it out of the of the  
               park in 1993.

• "Christmas - Baby Please Come Home." U2   (YouTube video here)

               Alexander coming to our family was so significant in different ways. We weren't sure we were 
               going to have him after what we went through with bringing his brother Christian into the world. 
               Then we took a leap a faith and Alexander was going to join our family. I loved that I was going 
                to have a baby around Christmas. And bringing him home from the hospital on Christmas Eve 
               was an added bonus that we didn't expect.

• "Suffer Well" Depeche Mode (YouTube video here)

               Life is hard. We know it. I think I made it clear in the last two entries. However, it doesn't 
               mean we have to be miserable despite the difficulties. Thomas S. Monson said "Enjoy the      
               Journey Now" (it's actually says that in the branch on the top left corner of my current blog  
               banner)

There is supposed to be another song for a seventh favorite song. Well, favorite songs and songs for a soundtrack can be quite different. I'll stick with the above list for now since I'm in the "soundtrack" frame of mind.  

7 Pastimes I Never Tire of Doing

I couldn't exactly say I never tire, but I find enjoyable:
1. Drawing
2. Watercolor/Painting
3. Paper Piecing/Scrapbooking
4. Napping
5. Eating out. We've cut down on it quite a bit, but I still love it.  
6. Planning, dreaming of designs, home designs, re-purposing to create a more fun and funky or beautiful space, etc. The whole package of what that entrails.
7. I love browsing in stores when it can be alone and without rushing. It's a Catch 22 though. Because if I don't have the money, seeing things I cannot have rains on that parade. At the same time, I love the inspiration and ideas I can get from it.


Next entry? The rest of the list and some of the recent artwork I've completed.

A Few Heavy Carry-Ons...

I want to acknowledge the positive responses I received for my "Getting to the Gate" posting and express my gratitude. 

However, I want to make it clear that I am far from perfect, and I know I can have just as much of a bad attitude with the agents and fellow passengers of life (and in flying).

The ones that especially grind on my nerves are the ones that not only believe they're better then everyone else, but they also make it clear to everyone else that they truly are comfortable with the illusion that they are better than everyone else. 

I often want to respond to that attitude with the below:

I'll never forget an experience on a flight from Portland a couple of days after Christmas in 2007. Mikelle was 7 and Christian was 3 (turning 4 in another 3 months).

Again, let me emphasize that Christian was 3. He was just a little older than Alexander is now. (At the time of this trip, Alexander will not grace us with his blessings and antics for another 3 years...)

We had spent Christmas on the Oregon Coast with Chris's family (by the way, I not only recommend spending Christmas on the Oregon Coast, but LIFE in general should be experienced there...I vow I will live there someday...)

Allow me to pause for 3 photos for nostalgic purposes:

Oregon Coast Christmas Eve 2007

Florence, Oregon and signs to all the different Florences in the world. Florence, AZ is 1200 miles!

Big Stump Beach outside the little cabin where we stayed. Waldport Oregon 12/28/07

In order to afford the flight and make everything work, our flight out of Portland was at 7am. The cheap flight also meant that we fly into San Jose and then switch planes onto hell - I mean, Phoenix.

Let me add that we were coming from Waldport. That's the central Oregon coast. 4 hours away from Portland. Therefore, in order to make the early flight, we were on the road at 1am. Arriving at the airport, there were longer lines to check our baggage then we expected. We made the flight, but it was close.

Mikelle and I were seated almost across the aisle from Chris and Christian. The seats on one side of the aisle are not directly across from the seats across the aisle, so I was in between the row Chris and Christian were in. This is important information. Just stay with me.

We had just boarded and sat down. The plane hadn't even pulled away from the gate yet. Christian started kicking the back of the guy's seat in front of him. That particular passenger looked to be about in his 50s and dressed in a nice "business casual" manner. 

Well, I was well aware of Christian's energy and hyperactivity (and now Alexander has it). I also hate - HATE bothering other people in this manner. As expected, the guy in front of Christian wasn't pleased with the kicking attack. No one would be.

Being hypersensitive to it, I immediately made sure Chris was aware of what was happening (whether he was already aware or not) and therefore Christian's legs were then cemented onto Chris's lap and held down with Chris's hands. Christian struggled, but his legs were not moving. Christian was no longer kicking the seat, but he was wiggling and making his opinion known.

But the guy in that seat in front of Christian was still determined to be a real jerk about the whole thing. I don't think he realized I was the mother of that child and I was sitting right across the aisle in full view of him AND my son and husband behind him. 

Every time Christian made any sound at all - even looking out the window and mentioning airplanes or the sky or something, this tool of a man turned around all disgusted. Christian wasn't yelling and screaming, but being 3, he wasn't exactly down with the whole "let's use our inside voices" concept either.

Chris didn't see any of this going on in front him. He was busy keeping his son occupied and keeping his son's predatory legs permanently anchored onto his lap. However, I was seeing it all. He would make an off color comment to the person next to him about his displeasure of our son behind him. With each of the this jerk's look of disgust, making a big deal about anything Christian said or sound he made, my "Bruce Banner" Mama self was turning into the Green Hulk MamaBear with each passing second. (See? I can't even choose which metaphor to use - the Hulk or MamaBear, so I went with both)

I wasn't too sure about Ruffalo as Hulk at first, but he pulled it off nicely!

Combine just the "Mama Bear" with the fact that we had been driving since 1am. If that wasn't enough in of itself, I was already a stress case about Christian's hyperactivity. I was constantly worried about it causing an International Incident. And let's just address the Elephant in the room about the anxiety issues I have in general. Throw that reality on there and we had some serious fun on the horizon.

I also felt bad because Mikelle was asking me to help her with her seat-belt, but I was so fixed on watching the putz with each additional huff, comments to the person next to him and turning around each time Christian even laughed or ask his dad a question, that I didn't even acknowledge her. I was caught in the trance. The nice lady sitting at the window on the other side of the Mikelle helped her with her seat-belt.

Because this was six years ago, I can't remember exactly what was the last straw was for me, but since I was on the verge of going off on this guy, instead of doing that, I stood up and went to the back of the plane to a flight attendant.

By now we were taxiing and I wasn't supposed to stand up. But I knew it was either I stand up to obtain assistance and cause a minor inconvenience, or let the Hulk out and then cause the plane to stop, return to the gate and then security guards would be summoned to escort me off the plane. That would then result in me losing my job, because if I got arrested, I would have my state issued Fingerprint card taken away until the matter was resolved. And I cannot teach without the Fingerprint card. Therefore, pouncing on the jerk wouldn't be in my best interest, to put it mildly. Not only that, but if I was removed from the plane, it would most likely end up on the news as such instances usually are.

Mr. Tool was sooooo not worth all that. 

Therefore, I opted to stand up and seek out the nice attendant lady. She immediately said I needed to sit back down. I said, "We have a situation." I muttered something about the guy in front of my son who was being a real jerk despite the fact that the kicking that started the whole thing had been addressed and ceased.

She followed me back to my seat and just as I was sitting down, Christian was excitedly pointing at different planes out the window as the taxiing yielded different views. Mr. Jerk then turned around again in the determined angry huff I in which I had become quite familiar.

I finally spoke (plus, the attendant was right there, so that was handy). 

"Sir, do you have a problem with CHILDREN?!" I asked determinedly.
(by referring to him as Sir, it indicates I was going to speak respectfully to him despite the fact that I wanted to pound his face in instead)

He seemed a little taken aback that he was confronted. Maybe he was used to getting away with being such a piece of excrement for so long that it caught him off guard.

I remember his response verbatim. (Sorry for the language, but I'm quoting him.)

"I have a problem with this goddamn kid kicking the back of my seat!" he huffed.

I started to say, "I apologize for that. But we stopped that right after it happened."

But I wasn't able to get all those words out because he folded his arms and loudly exclaimed "Jesus Christ...!" dragging out the words. So it was more like, "Jeeesuusss Churrriiisst....!"

Calmly and diplomatically, I said, "I wasn't aware Jesus was on the aircraft, Sir."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

The flight attendant said she would be more than happy to change his seat. He said he didn't want to. Seriously? He acted like my son was the worst part of his year, and he didn't want to be removed from it?

She went to the back of the plane and got on the phone. She then came back and said she made arrangements for his seat to be changed. He maintained he didn't need to change seats.

Maybe he didn't expect the confrontation. Maybe his pride was hurt. I don't know.

He said he would be fine. He remained in his seat and the taxiing commenced again and we took off.

Therefore, the matter was resolved. Sort of. The Jackwad didn't do anything for the rest of the flight, but I had to endure the flight to San Jose (which was a short flight from Portland, but it felt much longer) sitting just feet from him. And then what happened? After everything settled down and the flight was on its way, tears just flowed. It wasn't a loud crazy cry. No one would have known I was crying unless they looked right at me. It was a silent exhausted deluge of tears as I sat there. I hate how I get so angry that it makes me cry. I wish I can be like a Warrior Princess and get the job done and move on. Not cry afterwards!  

Ugh, I hate that.

Life is like that. We have to deal with people like the Tool in the seat in front of Christian. They can be family members, they can be co-workers, or in general people that we just have to be around. We can react to them by letting out the Green Hulk and causing more problems for ourselves, or we can turn the other cheek. Turning the other cheek is hard to do. We want justice. I know I do. My pride hurts so much when I have to let some things go and people commence on their merry way continuing to be the same putzes that they are. And sometimes we have to still be around them as they are doing their thing. Oh, I hate that.

And sometimes we have to speak up. With the Jerk on the plane, I knew I did. It did improve the situation as he didn't do anything for the rest of the flight other than exist and remind me that he was a pathetic waste of space. But the pain doesn't go away quickly. Sometimes it lingers just like my tears lingered.

You know Samuel L. Jackson didn't cry after dealing with the snakes on the plane!

When we landed in San Jose, I wanted to lower myself to his level in order to feel better and get a little retribution. He and his traveling companion remained on that plane and we exited the plane in order to transfer to the next one. I wanted so badly to say, "Happy New Year, M***erF**ker!" Oh, I wanted to say it.  It wasn't like he was going to follow me. I could say my peace and be gone.

But the "MamaBear" in me is a double-edged sword. What kind of example would I be for my seven year old daughter who was right behind me if I said that? Then Chris would be upset at me for both saying it, and then also saying it in front of Mikelle. And yes, saying it wouldn't have been the right thing to do, but at that time, that was the last thing on my mind.

I was grateful that I didn't say that for the sake of my daughter, but also angry that it appeared I had to walk away from the jerk with my tail between my legs and not have the last word. The pride in me wanted to grace him with the send-off.

So many times we have to walk away without the last word. Life is hard that way. We know there is Karma and God will judge everyone. It's just so hard to wait.

 I know it is for me.

One of my biggest battles in that area? I know for a fact that my physically and verbally abusive, pathologically narcissistic, adulterous and porn-addicted father continues to fault me for having no relationship with him. If his past awful self-serving letters to me are any indication, he blames me and my mom for all of his actions in the marriage and when I was growing up. He holds ZERO accountability and fault. He also judges me as a bad person and maintains I am shooting myself in the foot for having no relationship with him as if he is on some kind of pedestal and deserves something he has never earned or has been worthy of. 

One of the phrases he used? "I hope that attitude doesn't rub off on those beautiful children of yours." Nice. What attitude is that? Respect for myself? Walking away from toxicity? Creating a better life for my kids and teaching them to be accountable for their actions as I'm accountable for mine? That's not what he was referring to of course, but yes, I do hope that attitude rubs off on them.

The hard part for me at this stage in my life is knowing he's out there with that attitude. It's also hard for me knowing he says crap like that and actually believes it. And his third wife obviously believes his version of everything. If she's happy with that illusion then more power to her I guess. But the "justice" part of me wants to let out the Green Hulk and shout, "Let me tell you who he is! Let me tell you what he did! Let me tell you what he refuses to admit or apologize for!" 

My other struggle is the whole universal "why" question in wondering why I was given him as my father when so many people have close relationships with theirs.

Sure, the hard part with my dad is over. I do not have to see him anymore. I do not have to be around him. I am not a kid living in the same house as him.  However, the stage I am in is like sitting on the plane after the hard part and confrontation and just having to endure the rest of the flight with the jerk sitting there with my silent tears and the desire to relay a nice rude send off with those choice words. 

That's where I am now.

For those in my family who hate when I'm brutally honest and forthcoming about what went down as far as that particular male counterpart in the home, I'm not sorry.  I'm not going to muffle this and hide it as so many expect me to or have expected me to in the past. This is pain and I'm going to express it. It's part of working through it. It keeps the Green Hulk from pouncing on the Jerk in the plane and thus creating more problems.

It was Confucius or Buddha (one wise old man long ago from the Far East...I've seen both credited with these words) who said:

I know God's judgement is going to be one of the huge revelations of truth. However, in the meantime, I see no harm in getting a jump on things! Well, sometimes there is no harm in it.

Especially if it can be done without letting out the Green Hulk. Usually.

Getting to the Gate

Over the weekend I had an online discussion with a friend about this life in general and what it takes to advance to the hereafter in completion of finishing this test. I know I don't have many blog readers, but I do know that the few I do have is a mixture of both LDS and non-LDS. This particular discussion was LDS specific, but of course if you're living and breathing (and if you're reading this, I assume you are), you're also on this same journey called life, no matter what your individual beliefs happen to be.

When Christ spoke it parables, it really drove the point of His message home for me, no matter matter which parable in the New Testament it was. That makes sense considering metaphors are huge in how I attemptto make a point or simplify an important principle. They're also a major component in how I learn. 

In fact, one of the big ones for me is my Seurat painting analogy from this entry almost a year ago.
 
One of the pre-existing topics I have discussed with this friend is both good and bad experiences with church leaders. We both have had our individual experiences with the bad ones. 

I do not desire to explore too much detail here, but one of my first major negative experiences with a bishop (the church official who presides over a congregation...like a pastor) started with a bishop in my late teens who flat out said he didn't believe me about the physical and verbal abuse I was experiencing at home from the male figure that is unfortunately responsible for half of my DNA. Sadly, that wasn't the end of the negative experiences I had with this particular bishop (we'll call him Bishop 1.0), but I won't go any further with additional details as far as he is concerned. 
 
Thankfully, despite subsequent more minor negative experiences, I have gratefully had numerous positive experiences with church leaders. In fact, about 8 years after Bishop 1.0 when I confided in another bishop (we'll call him Bishop 5.0) about some of these scars at home from the years before and the salt in the wounds that were experienced at the hands of Bishop 1.0, this Bishop 5.0 was loving, helpful and even offered an apology for any priesthood holder that failed to do his job. That made a huge difference to me, and I believe that was a turning point for me in my ability in trusting my leaders more, and my increasing faith in them did grow.

Nevertheless, time and time again, there are those that stray from the Gospel and/or choose to stop going to church, or even turn against the church, because they have been hurt by officials such as bishops and others. It is understandable how that can happen. They are there to assist us and help us. We have chosen the Gospel in our lives, so when these bad experiences occur, it often delivers a low blow because they are supposed to be one of God's called leaders.

However, another analogy about that came to my mind about a year and half ago that I'll share here. I was assigned to give a talk in church and was given a topic that was related to this. Of course as I prepared my talk, my mind began to branch out in several directions as I attempted to compose what was supposed to be a succint talk. 

Well, let's just say my remarks went on longer than they should have, and I didn't leave much time for Chris to speak afterwards. Oops.
 
I brought this same analogy into the recent online discussion over the weekend, that I referred to above. However, before I lay out that metaphor, I want to make it clear that I am in no way better than anyone else struggling in various ways with less than stellar individuals who sometimes make it difficult for us both in and out the church as we traverse this journey called life. Church is a Hospital for Sinners. It is not a Museum for Saints. (Not my words!) 

I'm just passing on the analogy and my own thoughts. It's my blog. I can essentially do and say what I want.

Okay? Here we go. 

You have an airline ticket to your dream destination (for me it would be Bavaria in Germany...Tip of Argentina and then a cruise ship to Antarctica...anywhere in British Columbia...But I digress). You have the ticket. The ticket is returning to our Heavenly Father. By the way, we all have the ticket. Some of us just do not know we have it. Some of us know it's somewhere but do not know what it looks like. Some of us had it, but misplaced it.
 
Sure, serial killers and child rapists, for example, have a ticket, but it's not exactly to a destination that is very desirable. (I thought about making a joke about Newark New Jersey or Detroit, but then I decided against it). 

Where the destination is on our ticket is up to us.  Our Heavenly Father simply approves the destination.
 

However, the airplane won't come to you. You are required some important steps before being able to board it. You have to plan, pack, arrive at the airport on time. Then there's the TSA. Oh, the TSA. We love the TSA, don't we?

A TSA agent asks for your ID. You fumble for it because you can't find it right away. That particular agent decides to act like a real jerk. He sighs, makes a rude remark under his breath...something.  
Do we say, "Forget this!" and drop everything and go home? No. Why should we give up our trip, our dream destination over that guy? We put up with his attitude, show him our ID and go through. If we just go home, it doesn't matter to that agent. But we are the ones who end up with the raw end of the deal. We forfeit our trip.

Then, apparently because it's in the water with these particular agents, this big mean lady TSA agent asks you take off your shoes. Well, she doesn't ask you. She tells you to in really mean manner. She looks at you like you're the biggest inconvenience to her.  Maybe there are Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in the break room and she's upset that she isn't on her break yet in order to stuff her face. Who knows.

You don't want to take off your shoes - and you really don't want to because in your last minute preps to get ready for the trip, you didn't shower and you know your feet smell because you ran out of Odor Eaters.

Do you say "Forget this!" and turn around and give up because it'll be hard and unpleasant to do what she says? Do you forget the whole thing because you feel it is an intrusive request to remove your shoes? Do you forget the whole thing because she's rude and your pride hurts and you don't want her to be "the boss of you"? Well, some might. But they're the ones who are shooting themselves in the foot (no pun intended). 

Therefore, you remove your shoes and go through the motions.

Meanwhile, there is a guy in line behind you that isn't pleased that it took you so long to remove your shoes and when he bumps you with his bag, he doesn't apologize. He just shrugs and says, "You shouldn't have been standing that close to me." 

That guy in line represents those that we have to be around at church and life that make the journey so much more difficult. We all know them. Sometimes we are them. Sometimes we are friends with them and then they betray us or choose to be two-faced. They may be members of our family. And sometimes we just have to be around them.

Now what if you turn around and punch that guy in the face? Oh, maybe he deserved it! But what happens to you? You get pulled from the line, you don't make your flight, and you may even get arrested. 

If you still ever get to go on that dream trip in the future, it is delayed for the time being.  You can blame the jerk all we want on our actions, but you were the one who hit him, even if he was a jerk. 

Sadly, too many of us (and we all do it to some degree at various times in our lives) react to others and make poor choices on our part.

And sadly too many of us blame our poor choices on others. And sadly, too many of us fault our own consequences on others, even if it was our poor choices that led to the consequence! 

And sadly, I keep using the word sadly.

Compare it to making the poor choice of robbing a bank (I know, analogy within an analogy...there's no help for me, I know...). You get caught and arrested, but you blame the cops. A judge then throws a stiff sentence on you, and you blame the cops and the judge for why you're in jail.

But...weren't you the one that decided to rob the bank in the first place? You wouldn't even have been subjected to the arrest and the judge if you didn't rob the bank. So many times as we make our choices, we forget that sure, we have the freedom to make whatever choice we want. However, that is where the freedom ends. The consequence is not of our choosing, but we receive it because of the choice we were free to make.

But as usual, I got off track. Back to the fun in airport security. 

Suffice it to say, we have to deal with all kinds of crap to advance to the destination. How we deal with it is important.
After your bag goes through the little X-ray scanner and they make sure your deodorant isn't going to blow up the aircraft, you're walking away muttering at how rude those two agents are and how much of a jerk that guy was who hit you with his bag. 

As you're leaving that area, a different TSA agent smiles at you and says, "Have a great trip..." That agent is a nice person that knows the crap that goes down in his profession, but tries to do what he can to make it just a tad easier and more pleasant. For me, Bishop 5.0 was one of those guys. There are many more like him.  

(I actually had that experience with a real TSA agent. It was Alexander's 1st birthday -12/22/11- and I was trying to board a flight with him to Idaho Falls. Chris and the other two kids were already driving up. My ID/Drivers License was at home - removed from my planner by Alexander, and I didn't know it. It was a great TSA supervisor that sat with me and looked at what I did have on my person and made the decision to allow me through...My state issued Fingerprint Card and Staff ID from the school year before helped my case!)

Whether they are the nice TSA agents or the crappy ones, they are part of the process. We have to listen to them to make it through security - even if they're not doing their job entirely the right way. I know, it doesn't seem fair. It drives me crazy! 

Maybe the crappy ones will be fired later, or maybe they're in that position to learn something and they'll change their ways later. We don't know. And sometimes people just need to be given enough rope in which to hang themselves. Why were Alma and Amulek not permitted to save those that were being thrown into the fire? Because many time the evil-doers have to be allowed to be evil and do their evil in order to be held accountable.
 
But we don't give up the trip and the destination just because of them. We eventually board the plane. Maybe it's delayed - and maybe just when you think you "made it", there's a delay.

Do we say "Forget this!" and walk away and forget the whole thing? After all that? No. We wait. Then we board the plane.

How does it take off? Do we do that?

No. 

The pilot is there to do it. That's God's grace. It doesn't matter how much work (and how much crap we have to put up with to finally reach the gate, which is often Gate Z-99) we have done to finally board the aircraft. We cannot fly the plane ourselves. God's grace then takes it off the surface.

We will all board that plane. But where will our destinations be?