Not All Those Who Wander...

Today's Sunday Doodle for September 7th has an obvious travel theme. "Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost..."... I am one of those who dreams of wandering. The top of my "bucket list" is to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro in Tanzania.

Sometimes it feels like a feat such as climbing Kilamanjaro would be easier than the upward climbs to the top in this journey called life. 

Have you ever been involved in a huge undertaking, and you make little accomplishments within it....but you still don't feel like you've accomplished anything? 

That damn dark cloak...

Yeah, that's where I am. 

There's some dark places in this undertaking even though the trail is leading upwards. At least I hope it's leading towards the top. That's where faith comes in to keep moving upwards, despite the dark places the path leads through.

I've spent a lot of energy in trying to not be downer and a whiner. I do not want to focus on the struggles with depression (that may or may not be sharing a cab ride with anxiety) on a public blog such as this one. 

I found this image of the dark cloud...very accurate depiction

But sometimes it's just there. I feel a dark cloud over me...only not the beautiful dark clouds in nature that I love. This is that dark cloud within that carries a tar-like gritty painful substance that wants to coat me. 

It's what despair feels like when wrapped around you like a heavy cloak.


I know some, but not all of the reasons why it's there. There are reasons that are more personal and I will keep off this forum...and reasons that I've touched on previously: The move...the change...the frustration with still waiting for the bank to finish their patrol of worthiness so we can begin building...the worry...the unknown...

The confusing part of all this? So many positive things have happened! Christian is so happy. He has made a few friends. He loves his teacher and he loves his class. Mikelle has even made a few friends. Her seminary teacher says that Mikelle is slowly coming out of her shell. Chris has gotten more rest from being able to sleep an hour more in the morning and not have a grueling commute. I have more art orders - the pumpkins are growing in interest. 

I should feel the accomplishments. 

But like I said, it's like being surrounded in darkness even though the trail is moving upward. 

At least I'm not afraid to talk about it. Chris has been a wonderful support. Even when I don't deserve it.

And I know I'm not in any real trouble. At least not yet.  But this darkness has a familiarity to it that is not welcoming. 

Thank goodness for exercise, just for starters. And I do have a wonderful outlet in my art. I don't know what I would do without it.  Speaking of art, below is the latest pumpkin completed - this is my 9 inch size. Family customizations have been added. I also did a smaller one for the same customer for her mother (pictured below). 

And below that is a little preview of a missionary tribute art. A return customer is having me make this since her son is returning home from his California mission in just a few weeks. This project should be completely finished this week. 

9-Inch Pumpkin with Customizations

6 Inch and 9 Inch with Customizations

Preview of missionary tribute art - custom commission.

Sorry for the downer of a post. We artists can be quite moody. It's a curse that comes with the territory I guess. I was going to post a funny picture or meme to end on a nice note. But first, I saw this Pin with this Uchdorf quote. The timing was perfect. It was there to read when I needed it.

Okay, now for the funnies.  Until next time: