Yesterday, after a running a couple of errands that ended with the final 5 miles or so being filled with Alexander throwing a tantrum about his two siblings singing along to a song he didn't want them to sing along to, I went straight to my bedroom for a mental quarantine (after I cranked the AC down to 72). A few minutes later I sent Christian a text to his iPod:
Me: "Please unload the dishwasher"
Christian: "K, but why did you text me when your room is a few feet away?"
Me: "I will not come out."
That sums it up. I also took an hour to start this project. I was hoping to capture an overwhelming feeling of being surrounded by so much and I hope the ocotopus arms communicate the feeling of suffocation. This isn't finished yet, but I was actually amazed that I was able to complete this much in one sitting.
I've been able to "numb" myself from getting too upset, due to all the other things. But this is not going to be easy. It's also sad, because even though the rental house itself is small, the land its on is not small and it would be great for Simon to run around and chase critters - just like the land where our new house will be built. I'm sad that he wouldn't be able to run with his "hunting instinct" ways as he has in this house the couple of times we had mice. I'm grateful my friend Dawn offered to go with me when I took Simon to the vet yesterday. That's another reason moving is pulling on my heart strings. Friends I'm going to miss.
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While I was looking through photos to find a picture with Simon in it, I found this picture that I thought was lost in an old file. It was artwork I completed for a mother who sadly lost her three children in an accident. I didn't know her, but I felt compelled to do "something" as such a tragedy leaves us feeling so helpless. I sent the artwork off to her 2 1/2 years ago and I hoped it helped, even though nothing can fill the hole that losing such precious babies so sudden can leave. Running into this photo puts things in perspective again for me. I wanted to hide from my three kids yesterday, but I was able to reappear (eventually) and hug them.
Here's to a new day...
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